$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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