The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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