We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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