everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize