I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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