Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize