She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
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boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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