you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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