I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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