We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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