what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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