He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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