i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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