His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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