Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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