just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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