I think I died a long time ago.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize