she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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