Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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