i permit you to call me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize