Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize