Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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