do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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