If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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