She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
where are my eyebrows?
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