saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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