If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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