By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just cropdusted the office
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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