I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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