I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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