im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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