i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
