I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize