I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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