OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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