All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize