I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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