I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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