dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize