Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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