Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
