Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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