white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
4 words: hood of his car
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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