I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize