Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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