I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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