I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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