Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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