Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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