I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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