What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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