Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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