census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize